Entry tags:
(no subject)
I wonder if Lydia still has Peter's bite marks all across her skin. If she is constantly reminded of him thru them.
Need to squee about fic. I have no TW friends :(
Favorite Stiles/Sheriff interaction in a fic:
We've Written Volumes (in Blood and Scars and Ink)
by notthequiettype on AO3
The first thing Stiles thinks when his eyes open again is, "What?" He blinks a few times, staring into his dad's face and trying to understand what he's saying. "I'm so glad you're awake. Are you in some sort of relationship with Derek Hale?" Stiles understands the words, but the sentence doesn't make any more sense than it did the first time.
"I don't understand that sentence." Stiles tries to shake his head to clear it, but he regrets it immediately. Everything is spinning. "I'm in the hospital, right?"
"Yes and I'm very glad you're awake and alive and I'd hug you but you still have a massive healing wound in your side that I don't particularly want to upset." His dad pauses for just a second. "I'm not comfortable with you dating him."
"Dad, it's 2012, you can't be homophobic."
"I'm not and you know it." His dad rubs at his chin. "I'm not comfortable with you dating an adult who's had such serious issues with the law. With me. I'm the law." He shrugs a little. "Also, it's 2013."
Stiles feels his eyes go wide because, Jesus Christ, he's been out for weeks and that's not the first thing his dad mentions? "What?!"
"I'm just kidding. Answer the question."
"Jesus, can I have a minute? I just friggin' time traveled." Stiles loves his dad and he's really grateful to be alive and awake and all, but Christ. "I don't have any relationship with Derek? Except that sometimes we're in the same room. Or vehicle. Or forest, I guess. Are you asking me this right now because you think I'm too disoriented to lie?"
"Yes." Stiles watches his dad's face shift through phases -- confused to thoughtful to kind of constipated to confused and finally a loosely resigned exhaustion -- and he hates how much extra worry he's caused, how different he used to look, younger.
Stiles swallows, throat scratching. He's been asleep for days at least. His mouth tastes like sewage. "Is there a reason you're asking?"
"He brought you to the hospital -- carried you, I should specify -- and he's been here almost every day you've been out. Which was four, by the way. I'm curious, is all. Fatherly curiosity. Concern."
We've Written Volumes (in Blood and Scars and Ink)
by notthequiettype on AO3
Teen Wolf
One hour until another new episode. ( Should I warn for season 3 spoliers? Or just go on and figure everyone is watching season 3 along with me? )
Stuff... that pertains to other stuff. About which, mean... stuff.
I seem to post to facebook a lot more than I use any other site. Partially because I have people friended on there that respect me who are also Republicans and I use my posting ability to inform them of things their representatives are doing that, I find, are fucking stupid. And I try to get them to respond to any of my posts with something that makes some sense. Hasn't happened yet :/
Anyway, To those who haven't read my facebook today an old friend of mine from Omaha was murdered in a small town in Nebraska this past weekend. We weren't close friends, more friendly acquaintances I guess, but still to be that young (25) and just married and a victim in a double homicide, is kind of OMG-making. Hrm, don't have much to say other than she was very bright. Was the youngest city council member of Missouri Valley, IA and was going to University of Nebraska Omaha while being a city council member. I guess she never finished school, the websites all say she was just a few credits shy of graduating and she was about to start back in January. She always seemed a bit trusting and always very happy but kinda slow when trying to follow a conversation. But, yeah, just so sad.
My first quarter at this technical college I am attending is over. I got "A"s in my two classes. Anatomy & Physiology I and a one night a week for a month required computer class called Technology and Society. A&P I have taken before, in 2005, so it has been awhile but I vaguely remember most of the terms and what they all mean. The Tech/Soc class was so utterly stupid, mostly because the teacher was so lenient, old, and didn't care all that much. But first quarter is over and I am on the Honors List which is good since I need to get all As to be competitive to even get in to the program (physical therapy assisting) I want to get into. Although... someone mentioned the program Surgical Technology which sounded interesting too and apparently doesn't get that many people applying for spots in the program. (PTAs have 40 spots open a year and at least twice that amount apply for a spot)
(And I went and spent a lot of time looking at the BLS.gov site about Surgical Technologists. I like PTA better overall still.)
(Then I got lost in Radiologic Technologists on the BLS.gove site, maybe I should just post this entry and be done with it.)
Anyway, To those who haven't read my facebook today an old friend of mine from Omaha was murdered in a small town in Nebraska this past weekend. We weren't close friends, more friendly acquaintances I guess, but still to be that young (25) and just married and a victim in a double homicide, is kind of OMG-making. Hrm, don't have much to say other than she was very bright. Was the youngest city council member of Missouri Valley, IA and was going to University of Nebraska Omaha while being a city council member. I guess she never finished school, the websites all say she was just a few credits shy of graduating and she was about to start back in January. She always seemed a bit trusting and always very happy but kinda slow when trying to follow a conversation. But, yeah, just so sad.
My first quarter at this technical college I am attending is over. I got "A"s in my two classes. Anatomy & Physiology I and a one night a week for a month required computer class called Technology and Society. A&P I have taken before, in 2005, so it has been awhile but I vaguely remember most of the terms and what they all mean. The Tech/Soc class was so utterly stupid, mostly because the teacher was so lenient, old, and didn't care all that much. But first quarter is over and I am on the Honors List which is good since I need to get all As to be competitive to even get in to the program (physical therapy assisting) I want to get into. Although... someone mentioned the program Surgical Technology which sounded interesting too and apparently doesn't get that many people applying for spots in the program. (PTAs have 40 spots open a year and at least twice that amount apply for a spot)
(And I went and spent a lot of time looking at the BLS.gov site about Surgical Technologists. I like PTA better overall still.)
(Then I got lost in Radiologic Technologists on the BLS.gove site, maybe I should just post this entry and be done with it.)
Entry tags:
American Disturbed.
Had a dream two nights ago that disturbed me. It wasn't a nightmare, it was more me being someone else's nightmare and not really seeming to care.
What I remember of it started in the middle of the creepy issue, which was me being a serial killer. And no I hadn't watched Criminal Minds that night, though I do love that series, and no I wasn't reading fic about that series. But I was in the middle of my dream, in the process of strangling, or perhaps suffocating a guy, a dwarf, who was in his swim trunks or something (WTF?) when he struggled and almost got away from me. Apparently this was the third time he struggled out of my grasp and that made me mentally back up and take a look at what the fuck I was actually doing. I finally let him run away from me mentally telling myself "Dude! He is a living breathing human being. He is entitled to a fucking life that I should not be trying to take away. Stop it!" Of course then I was all, what about the two that I've already killed whose bodies are buried in the basement under a large sink made of clay? ... ~.^ (my brain is very specifically odd)
A moment later a woman knocked on my door. In my real life this woman is Jen, the supervisor of the Pizza Hut area (not a supervisor to me directly) that works at the store I just left a few days ago. Jen and I were on good speaking terms and somewhat friends. In the dream she acted like she was an RA telling me that, the dwarf guy I had let go was going around telling people I was a psychopath who tried to kill him. Jen said she knew I would never do anything like that but she thought she should let me know what he was saying about me and that there might be an investigation into his claims.
I then woke up and was all "Why does my subconscious hate dwarf people?" (the other two people I had killed in the dream were dwarfs as well) I don't consciously give a damn one way or another about dwarf people. They are people, they have a handicap because of their size, that's all, I do not care. I was then creeped out that in my dream it seemed like it was an OK life choice for me to start killing people. I didn't want to know that I have that ability, or that mindset really, to become like those horrible people who kill other individuals for any messed up reason or no reason at all.
Seriously. My moral core, my idea of self, is disturbed by this dream. I do not like it. I pretended the rest of the day that I did not have that dream but it sat at the back of my mind eating at me.
Oh, wait. *headdesk* I may have watched American Psycho with Christian Bale that night for the first time. Right before bed. <.< >.>
*side note: I am very confused at how that movie ended by the way. Can someone please explain it to me?*
What I remember of it started in the middle of the creepy issue, which was me being a serial killer. And no I hadn't watched Criminal Minds that night, though I do love that series, and no I wasn't reading fic about that series. But I was in the middle of my dream, in the process of strangling, or perhaps suffocating a guy, a dwarf, who was in his swim trunks or something (WTF?) when he struggled and almost got away from me. Apparently this was the third time he struggled out of my grasp and that made me mentally back up and take a look at what the fuck I was actually doing. I finally let him run away from me mentally telling myself "Dude! He is a living breathing human being. He is entitled to a fucking life that I should not be trying to take away. Stop it!" Of course then I was all, what about the two that I've already killed whose bodies are buried in the basement under a large sink made of clay? ... ~.^ (my brain is very specifically odd)
A moment later a woman knocked on my door. In my real life this woman is Jen, the supervisor of the Pizza Hut area (not a supervisor to me directly) that works at the store I just left a few days ago. Jen and I were on good speaking terms and somewhat friends. In the dream she acted like she was an RA telling me that, the dwarf guy I had let go was going around telling people I was a psychopath who tried to kill him. Jen said she knew I would never do anything like that but she thought she should let me know what he was saying about me and that there might be an investigation into his claims.
I then woke up and was all "Why does my subconscious hate dwarf people?" (the other two people I had killed in the dream were dwarfs as well) I don't consciously give a damn one way or another about dwarf people. They are people, they have a handicap because of their size, that's all, I do not care. I was then creeped out that in my dream it seemed like it was an OK life choice for me to start killing people. I didn't want to know that I have that ability, or that mindset really, to become like those horrible people who kill other individuals for any messed up reason or no reason at all.
Seriously. My moral core, my idea of self, is disturbed by this dream. I do not like it. I pretended the rest of the day that I did not have that dream but it sat at the back of my mind eating at me.
Oh, wait. *headdesk* I may have watched American Psycho with Christian Bale that night for the first time. Right before bed. <.< >.>
*side note: I am very confused at how that movie ended by the way. Can someone please explain it to me?*
Random religous ramblings
I don't even know where exactly I wanted to jump in the conversation now about religion that is going on over in squeemu's journal but I read most of what has been said and when I was on the bus earlier today I wanted to put some things down in words about my own beliefs and personal religion (at least as of this moment in my life).
First off I've been raised in the United Methodist church with both of my parents involved in various aspects of it. Mom was always about the women's circles and missionary awareness/promoting. Dad is more of the quite type like myself and did more hands on physical work like running the microphones, video cameras, making breakfast for the youth lock-ins, and raising money by walking/riding in various hunger walks/bike rides. Both of them very liberal in politics and religion but still very adamant about having church in our lives. My grandparents, on a side note, are very conservative politic-wise but when it came to religion everyone seemed to love discussing and debating and in the end generally agreeing to a rather liberal point of view, liberal even to the stances of the church we attended.
Currently I am uncomfortable with the Bible as a religious book. I dislike people quoting from it or praising it or using it to guide their moral compasses. It is a book written by man, many men, by an antiquated culture, and those things make it so very fallible. I dislike Jesus, and Abraham, and all those other prophets throughout the book as individuals to be praised and regarded with high esteem. I try reading the Bible, more like a literary work to be analyzed, than to affect my belief system but I don't have anyone to discuss it with who wants to look at it in that manner. I was in a Bible study last year in GH but I felt so very out of dept because the two girls have studied it their entire life and I was just coming to it with a slight curiosity.
Even with all that said, I still really like the United Methodist Church. Perhaps because I've had very liberal pastors in the past, but more because of it as an institution. I like the history the church, the actions it has taken in the past, the actions it is taking now and for the future. I like that it has documentation on every little thing like how the hierarchy works between the pastor/board of trustees/various church staff and groups, and what exactly are the beliefs of the church. I like how the Bishop will move pastors to different congregations if they seem to be becoming too conservative she can move in a liberal pastor to bring it even keel. Though that can go the other way. I like how the church has a conference every 4 years which it discusses and analyzes it's policies and the direction the church is heading as well as what projects it should fund and the amount for each. I like the work it does for women, poor, hungry, those with AIDS/HIV, and people in various other categories.
I just... a lot of the time I feel like I'm a fake when I'm there. Being in the Bible Belt of Michigan does not help either. But so many people when they see me they see such a sweet, respectful, resigned, religious girl. I think they see me that way because of my attitude, the "it will all work out right in the end" attitude that I carry with me and believe whole heartedly. I'm not sure why I believe that, that things happen for a reason and if you don't like what is happening in your life you have the ability to change it or to grow from/with it.
I few years ago bought a introductory book to the Qur'an called "Approching the Qur'an" by Micheal Sells which translates, describes the words chosen for translation, and gives historical/cultural background information needed for the earliest/oldest Suras. It's rather beautiful. I like how the voice changes from being so very interpersonal to transcendent and back in just a few lines. Apparently that book is also used for a university class in somewhere like North Carolina or something so it does have some good credentials behind it's translation and interpretation. I don't think I could ever convert to another religion like Islam though because I don't have the cultural roots or historical knowledge necessary (or the drive to go that deep into the history of the area and culture) to fully appreciate it and understand it.
I do kinda want to buy and study the major books/texts of the major religions though. Like the Bhagavad Gita. There has to be some parts of them that I could incorporate into my daily life and understanding of the universe. I haven't gotten to the rules about how many times a day the Muslims pray but I like the idea that you take time in the middle of what you are doing multiple times a day to reorient yourself, refocus yourself to the bigger picture, the more meaningful purpose in life.
Umm... yeah. I drifted away to look up the number of times they pray, 5, and then recalled how in my intro to Health Care book mentioned eating 5 meals a day is better than 3, then landed on studies saying that's not really true and lost where I was going with my post.
Oh, I also think that our society needs a female religious icon (other than Mary, she's over shadowed by Jesus) or prophet. How many male prophets are there in history? Too fucking many, that's how many. Friggin' male dominated patriarchal society/cultural history. To help stop back sliding into women being a male's property we need a new religion with a female figure head. Not a female god necessarily. I think god is not in any way shape or form human so it shouldn't have a gender associated with it. My mom always embarrassed me by singing non gender specific names for god when we sang out of the hymnal together but I think she is quite right about this in the end. But a new female headed religion would be kinda awesome, I think.
First off I've been raised in the United Methodist church with both of my parents involved in various aspects of it. Mom was always about the women's circles and missionary awareness/promoting. Dad is more of the quite type like myself and did more hands on physical work like running the microphones, video cameras, making breakfast for the youth lock-ins, and raising money by walking/riding in various hunger walks/bike rides. Both of them very liberal in politics and religion but still very adamant about having church in our lives. My grandparents, on a side note, are very conservative politic-wise but when it came to religion everyone seemed to love discussing and debating and in the end generally agreeing to a rather liberal point of view, liberal even to the stances of the church we attended.
Currently I am uncomfortable with the Bible as a religious book. I dislike people quoting from it or praising it or using it to guide their moral compasses. It is a book written by man, many men, by an antiquated culture, and those things make it so very fallible. I dislike Jesus, and Abraham, and all those other prophets throughout the book as individuals to be praised and regarded with high esteem. I try reading the Bible, more like a literary work to be analyzed, than to affect my belief system but I don't have anyone to discuss it with who wants to look at it in that manner. I was in a Bible study last year in GH but I felt so very out of dept because the two girls have studied it their entire life and I was just coming to it with a slight curiosity.
Even with all that said, I still really like the United Methodist Church. Perhaps because I've had very liberal pastors in the past, but more because of it as an institution. I like the history the church, the actions it has taken in the past, the actions it is taking now and for the future. I like that it has documentation on every little thing like how the hierarchy works between the pastor/board of trustees/various church staff and groups, and what exactly are the beliefs of the church. I like how the Bishop will move pastors to different congregations if they seem to be becoming too conservative she can move in a liberal pastor to bring it even keel. Though that can go the other way. I like how the church has a conference every 4 years which it discusses and analyzes it's policies and the direction the church is heading as well as what projects it should fund and the amount for each. I like the work it does for women, poor, hungry, those with AIDS/HIV, and people in various other categories.
I just... a lot of the time I feel like I'm a fake when I'm there. Being in the Bible Belt of Michigan does not help either. But so many people when they see me they see such a sweet, respectful, resigned, religious girl. I think they see me that way because of my attitude, the "it will all work out right in the end" attitude that I carry with me and believe whole heartedly. I'm not sure why I believe that, that things happen for a reason and if you don't like what is happening in your life you have the ability to change it or to grow from/with it.
I few years ago bought a introductory book to the Qur'an called "Approching the Qur'an" by Micheal Sells which translates, describes the words chosen for translation, and gives historical/cultural background information needed for the earliest/oldest Suras. It's rather beautiful. I like how the voice changes from being so very interpersonal to transcendent and back in just a few lines. Apparently that book is also used for a university class in somewhere like North Carolina or something so it does have some good credentials behind it's translation and interpretation. I don't think I could ever convert to another religion like Islam though because I don't have the cultural roots or historical knowledge necessary (or the drive to go that deep into the history of the area and culture) to fully appreciate it and understand it.
I do kinda want to buy and study the major books/texts of the major religions though. Like the Bhagavad Gita. There has to be some parts of them that I could incorporate into my daily life and understanding of the universe. I haven't gotten to the rules about how many times a day the Muslims pray but I like the idea that you take time in the middle of what you are doing multiple times a day to reorient yourself, refocus yourself to the bigger picture, the more meaningful purpose in life.
Umm... yeah. I drifted away to look up the number of times they pray, 5, and then recalled how in my intro to Health Care book mentioned eating 5 meals a day is better than 3, then landed on studies saying that's not really true and lost where I was going with my post.
Oh, I also think that our society needs a female religious icon (other than Mary, she's over shadowed by Jesus) or prophet. How many male prophets are there in history? Too fucking many, that's how many. Friggin' male dominated patriarchal society/cultural history. To help stop back sliding into women being a male's property we need a new religion with a female figure head. Not a female god necessarily. I think god is not in any way shape or form human so it shouldn't have a gender associated with it. My mom always embarrassed me by singing non gender specific names for god when we sang out of the hymnal together but I think she is quite right about this in the end. But a new female headed religion would be kinda awesome, I think.
Happy Birthday magistrate!
You are an awesome person and I hope you are having a good day! *squishes you*
Happy St Patrick's Day
Watched a at-home-in-living-room concert by Vienna Teng on StageIt tonight. She played this awesome song that I had not heard of her's before at the end of the concert which I wanted to share with you. The song depends upon the audience to sing along, which when online she couldn't do, so she improvised using the looper she had for other songs. Made it really cool. Tried to find a equally cool version of it on youtube and got this (though there seems to me to be a drum beat missing to me):
Also if you're wondering what StageIt is: ( Video will automatically play, therefore: Behind a Cut You Go! )
Also if you're wondering what StageIt is: ( Video will automatically play, therefore: Behind a Cut You Go! )
Baco & Squeemu
Posted this to Twitter than realized that the two Canadians that I know don't have a twitter :(
Dick Cheney deems Canada excessively dangerous
Dick Cheney deems Canada excessively dangerous
I was very emo eariler.
Every once and a while I watch the Rachel Maddow show online to keep up with the world news that I don't watch and she finds the craziest bullshit stuff that mostly revolve around things that Republicans are getting away with in our country. I don't know if any one else watches her show but you really should, she's pretty awesome (as well as being one of the only lesbian TV broadcasters that I know).
I had no idea what a transvaginal ultrasound was and thought it was just another name for an ultrasound but after watching this clip of Maddow's show I realized that the law they just passed in Virgina makes it so that ...well, let's say a girl is raped, got pregnant, goes to have an abortion, she must endure a second rape at the hands of a doctor because of this bill, wait like two weeks, then go back and actually have the abortion. This bill has been passed.It is in effect. WTF
(ok there is a way to edit the clip to that exact part but my computer doesn't like me)
Also what ever happened to the democratic process? Apparently republican's votes don't count anymore.
I had no idea what a transvaginal ultrasound was and thought it was just another name for an ultrasound but after watching this clip of Maddow's show I realized that the law they just passed in Virgina makes it so that ...well, let's say a girl is raped, got pregnant, goes to have an abortion, she must endure a second rape at the hands of a doctor because of this bill, wait like two weeks, then go back and actually have the abortion. This bill has been passed.
(ok there is a way to edit the clip to that exact part but my computer doesn't like me)
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Also what ever happened to the democratic process? Apparently republican's votes don't count anymore.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Happy Holidays! Merry Season!
OK. I think I'm ready for Christmas. Possibly. Tomorrow I have to work 6:30 am to noon, get all the stuff I've got piled up together into my car and drive, about 45 minutes, back home to Grand Haven. We celebrate the majority of our Christmas on Christmas Eve night after church so I'm already dreading how long of a day I'm going to have tomorrow. Debating whether I should nap at my apartment before I drive home or at home sometime before church and present opening. I guess it will depend on how I'm feeling after work, if I'm wide awake or not. I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing when I get home though. Mom might put me to work making something or cleaning something, she usually does, though I don't know what since the big dinner is on Christmas day and the grandparents are already here so they've seen how messy the house is.
Presents are all bought and wrapped, finally. The last load to go home are on the table here. I baked two small loafs of Applesauce Sweet bread (so yummy!), thinking take one and leave one here to nibble on and for roommates to have some. Though the apartment has been pretty empty for the past week or so. One roommate went back to Wisconsin to celebrate with her family and the other has alternated from staying at her boyfriend's and her parent's (her sister has a new baby) and pops in every once and a while just to grab some sleep here. So I've been pretty much alone here hanging out with my cat. I don't mind it *points to self* I'm a total introvert here so I kinda enjoy it.
I got all my non-religious-Christmas/Holiday cards made out to the high school friends group, well all but Squeem and Baco. I don't have Squeem's address in Canada nor her parent's actual address in Lincoln which she will be at for Christmas. If I had your address Jei I would totally send you and Joe a card! They're pretty! They're Unicef cards, so I spent more on them but they're helping kids around the world! Who wants one? Nomad?
I also put together both a gym bag and a "go bag" which I think will help me not make excuses for not going to the gym and for not staying the night at my parent's house when I actually am able to stay because I don't have to be at work the next hypothetical morning. Go bag will stay in my car with a set of pj's, toiletries, and clothes so that wherever I happen to be, be it Grand Haven or stuck in a snow drift, I have stuff to get me by for a day. The new gym bag now has all my toiletries (soap, shampoo, conditioner, facial wash, toothbrush and paste) so that if I want to go work out at the gym on campus, which is gorgeous and my tuition pays for it anyway, I can clean up and not be all stinky when I go to class or work afterward.
I feel good. I did all this after working four hours today. I feel like a "normal" productive human being! (note to self: start dishwasher before you sleep and take out the trash tomorrow when you go to work) Now if I could just freaking call my bank, when it is not a holiday, and cancel the Nebraska checking account which I've been meaning to do for over a year now. :/
Also Also: Work's going to be a mad house tomorrow. I hate working retail.
Presents are all bought and wrapped, finally. The last load to go home are on the table here. I baked two small loafs of Applesauce Sweet bread (so yummy!), thinking take one and leave one here to nibble on and for roommates to have some. Though the apartment has been pretty empty for the past week or so. One roommate went back to Wisconsin to celebrate with her family and the other has alternated from staying at her boyfriend's and her parent's (her sister has a new baby) and pops in every once and a while just to grab some sleep here. So I've been pretty much alone here hanging out with my cat. I don't mind it *points to self* I'm a total introvert here so I kinda enjoy it.
I got all my non-religious-Christmas/Holiday cards made out to the high school friends group, well all but Squeem and Baco. I don't have Squeem's address in Canada nor her parent's actual address in Lincoln which she will be at for Christmas. If I had your address Jei I would totally send you and Joe a card! They're pretty! They're Unicef cards, so I spent more on them but they're helping kids around the world! Who wants one? Nomad?
I also put together both a gym bag and a "go bag" which I think will help me not make excuses for not going to the gym and for not staying the night at my parent's house when I actually am able to stay because I don't have to be at work the next hypothetical morning. Go bag will stay in my car with a set of pj's, toiletries, and clothes so that wherever I happen to be, be it Grand Haven or stuck in a snow drift, I have stuff to get me by for a day. The new gym bag now has all my toiletries (soap, shampoo, conditioner, facial wash, toothbrush and paste) so that if I want to go work out at the gym on campus, which is gorgeous and my tuition pays for it anyway, I can clean up and not be all stinky when I go to class or work afterward.
I feel good. I did all this after working four hours today. I feel like a "normal" productive human being! (note to self: start dishwasher before you sleep and take out the trash tomorrow when you go to work) Now if I could just freaking call my bank, when it is not a holiday, and cancel the Nebraska checking account which I've been meaning to do for over a year now. :/
Also Also: Work's going to be a mad house tomorrow. I hate working retail.
found on a tumblr with this summary.
"A video for Slow Club, featuring dancers Ryan Francois and Remy Kouame performing an homage to dancers Al Minns and Leon James. The music in no way “matches” the dancing, and yet creates such a beautiful juxtaposition."
Lots of self-pitying emo, be fore-warned
This apartment is dead silent. I can hear shift and paper turn my roommate makes and I know she can here every keystroke I make in my bedroom. I want to just be by myself where no one is judging me but not even my room is safe because I am forced to leave my door open unless I want my cat pooping/peeing on the carpet in the living room. And won't that make my roommates even more pissed at me? I would go out somewhere and hide in shame but I have no where to go. I haven't made any true friends here, maybe Laura, but I haven't spoken to her for like 3 months and we don't know each other very well so she probably takes the non communication as a slight or indicator that we're not friends anymore.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing for Thanksgiving. Parents and brother are going back to Lincoln for birthday celebrations. I have to work. Can't take off black Friday. At least at this store. Can't take off the days preceding and following Christmas or any time around New Year's Eve. But it's just the Thanksgiving time that is bugging me right now. And not even that I cannot go to the party my mom and aunt Ann is throwing for my Grandma (and grandpa, her birthday is the same day as their wedding anniversary). It's the thought that no one really knows I have no where to go for the day and my mom's hair dresser's the only person who's invited me.
Mom's also on my case about "when are you going to get done with school?" asking me if I'd talked to my advisor. If my advisor hadn't turned out to be one of my current teachers, in a class I'm currently failing, speaking to her wouldn't be a problem. Mom wants to know because dad was talking to a old work friend who wants him to go work for them in Oregon. Oregon?! WTF, I think mom's messing with me, somewhat, because they just moved for crying out loud! She said they don't want to move until I'm through my undergrad but, still, fuck. I would just like some stable family presence please, if that's not too much to ask. (though yes I realize that's what she said by not wanting to move until later but just the talk of it is messing with me, they've been wistfully planning remodeling the house and now this mention of moving again!)
I've been depressed and in the ignore-the-world-as-much-as-possible-maybe-it'll-go-away mindset for a few weeks now, including the week of my birthday, which absolutely sucks (not the day of, just the way I've been feeling around the day of). Got a good amount of money from the grandparents for my birthday and have been seriously considering using it to pay for counseling services. I hate my fanfic addiction because I use it like a drug, escapism when I get stress, but for like 8 hours in a sitting. Maybe counseling will help me stop. And maybe I'll go back on some freaking Paxil or something, though I don't know if I really want to do that.
I just want things to be better. Thought that when I moved to Michigan that I had a re-do, fresh start at a new school and everything. But it seems I still have the same demons on my back pulling me down.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing for Thanksgiving. Parents and brother are going back to Lincoln for birthday celebrations. I have to work. Can't take off black Friday. At least at this store. Can't take off the days preceding and following Christmas or any time around New Year's Eve. But it's just the Thanksgiving time that is bugging me right now. And not even that I cannot go to the party my mom and aunt Ann is throwing for my Grandma (and grandpa, her birthday is the same day as their wedding anniversary). It's the thought that no one really knows I have no where to go for the day and my mom's hair dresser's the only person who's invited me.
Mom's also on my case about "when are you going to get done with school?" asking me if I'd talked to my advisor. If my advisor hadn't turned out to be one of my current teachers, in a class I'm currently failing, speaking to her wouldn't be a problem. Mom wants to know because dad was talking to a old work friend who wants him to go work for them in Oregon. Oregon?! WTF, I think mom's messing with me, somewhat, because they just moved for crying out loud! She said they don't want to move until I'm through my undergrad but, still, fuck. I would just like some stable family presence please, if that's not too much to ask. (though yes I realize that's what she said by not wanting to move until later but just the talk of it is messing with me, they've been wistfully planning remodeling the house and now this mention of moving again!)
I've been depressed and in the ignore-the-world-as-much-as-possible-maybe-it'll-go-away mindset for a few weeks now, including the week of my birthday, which absolutely sucks (not the day of, just the way I've been feeling around the day of). Got a good amount of money from the grandparents for my birthday and have been seriously considering using it to pay for counseling services. I hate my fanfic addiction because I use it like a drug, escapism when I get stress, but for like 8 hours in a sitting. Maybe counseling will help me stop. And maybe I'll go back on some freaking Paxil or something, though I don't know if I really want to do that.
I just want things to be better. Thought that when I moved to Michigan that I had a re-do, fresh start at a new school and everything. But it seems I still have the same demons on my back pulling me down.
To long to tweet, to short to care? Possibly TMI for the boys out there.
Every time my period starts, the first day, I'm lying flat on my back with pain. Feels like someone took a huge knife and shoved it in my gut and perhaps if I lie still enough it will stop moving around trying to saw me open. Ow ow ow, no such luck.
Perhaps I've been watching to many Criminal minds episodes... nah. I'm going to take some meds and watch some more CM I recorded last night.
Perhaps I've been watching to many Criminal minds episodes... nah. I'm going to take some meds and watch some more CM I recorded last night.
Entry tags:
Ain't nobody knows what the newborn holds But his mama says he'll walk on water And wander back home
First day at the new job was yesterday. Included quite a few things that were stressful, beyond just first day stressful. Had very little sleep but that was self inflicted stress. Got out the door late because furnace checker was here for inspection. Got off on the wrong exit. Was about 3 minutes past the time I was scheduled to work when I got there. Could not clock in because my employee number would not work. Got to Starbucks and found that my boss (who was supposed to be with me for the first 75% of my shift and train me) was pulled into a Team Lead meeting. The meeting lasted at least 2 hours. Got the girl who was there when I got to the Starbucks area to teach me how to use their espresso machine before she disappeared because it is totally different from the one I do know how to use.
The whole area behind the counter, while vaguely similar to what I am used to, is quite different. I find myself reaching for things like straws and have to do a complete 180 before I find them. Or some things are in the right container but... where my store would store the coffee grounds we have the coffee beans (not ground yet) the grounds are out in plain sight, not stored away. And the whole process of doing dishes is completely different as well. But whatever.
To add another layer of stress to the day when I finally got to see/speak for a few seconds with my boss he tells me that the Starbucks District Manager is going to be here at 1 pm and he's going to be with her for a while in a meeting! And for a while was around a few hours. One good thing is that this District Manager is a whole lot more friendly and personable than the last one we had (who I never got to encounter, I've just heard horror stories. I've met this one if you can call it "meeting" when we only met for about 3 mins at my old store).
At this point, remember when I said my employee number wouldn't work? Yeah, that meant I could not log in to the registers unless I had someone else do if for me or if they printed me out a quick scan log-in bar code. But every quick scan bar code I got from other employees would not scan for me! I kept running over to the pizza hut folks and having them come over and type in their numbers so I could ring up guests. So Frustrating. I had three or four different people print out their quick scan bar codes for me including my boss and none worked. I'm thinking it was the scan gun not the printed bar code 'cuz they printed it out at different registers for me. Anyway, my boss finally just wrote down his own supervisor number and pin on a piece of paper for me to use the rest of the day.
By they way, when I worked today, it still was not working. Thankfully I still had his number stuffed into my apron and not at the bottom of a trash can which is where I should have tossed it after the shift yesterday. Thank you subconscious mind for not tossing it! Saved my life. I was not working with him or anyone else today. Worked the open shift all by my lonesome. Think I figured everything out and got what I was supposed to do done. If I didn't well my boss was the barista in after me and he'll leave me a note. But over all I'm feeling slightly comfortable with my new job.
I just miss the familiarity with all the people (employees, bosses, and guests) I had at my old job! Everyone here is astranger new person to me and there is not a lot of opportunities to get to know other employees here because next to no one is cross trained for Starbucks and the store is super busy and huge and everyone's got their hands so full that they can't stop and chat. :/ Very unlike the laid back casual attitude of my old store. *sigh* I know, it just takes time.
Day off tomorrow. Supposed to grab lunch or dinner with the roommates. Their last summer semester final should have been today. Haven't seen them since I got up this morning. Maybe they are out at a bar celebrating right now, who knows. We're going to get to know each other better and set up some rules/chores/schedules maybe? I dunno. It's kinda nice having the apartment to me and the kitty though.
The whole area behind the counter, while vaguely similar to what I am used to, is quite different. I find myself reaching for things like straws and have to do a complete 180 before I find them. Or some things are in the right container but... where my store would store the coffee grounds we have the coffee beans (not ground yet) the grounds are out in plain sight, not stored away. And the whole process of doing dishes is completely different as well. But whatever.
To add another layer of stress to the day when I finally got to see/speak for a few seconds with my boss he tells me that the Starbucks District Manager is going to be here at 1 pm and he's going to be with her for a while in a meeting! And for a while was around a few hours. One good thing is that this District Manager is a whole lot more friendly and personable than the last one we had (who I never got to encounter, I've just heard horror stories. I've met this one if you can call it "meeting" when we only met for about 3 mins at my old store).
At this point, remember when I said my employee number wouldn't work? Yeah, that meant I could not log in to the registers unless I had someone else do if for me or if they printed me out a quick scan log-in bar code. But every quick scan bar code I got from other employees would not scan for me! I kept running over to the pizza hut folks and having them come over and type in their numbers so I could ring up guests. So Frustrating. I had three or four different people print out their quick scan bar codes for me including my boss and none worked. I'm thinking it was the scan gun not the printed bar code 'cuz they printed it out at different registers for me. Anyway, my boss finally just wrote down his own supervisor number and pin on a piece of paper for me to use the rest of the day.
By they way, when I worked today, it still was not working. Thankfully I still had his number stuffed into my apron and not at the bottom of a trash can which is where I should have tossed it after the shift yesterday. Thank you subconscious mind for not tossing it! Saved my life. I was not working with him or anyone else today. Worked the open shift all by my lonesome. Think I figured everything out and got what I was supposed to do done. If I didn't well my boss was the barista in after me and he'll leave me a note. But over all I'm feeling slightly comfortable with my new job.
I just miss the familiarity with all the people (employees, bosses, and guests) I had at my old job! Everyone here is a
Day off tomorrow. Supposed to grab lunch or dinner with the roommates. Their last summer semester final should have been today. Haven't seen them since I got up this morning. Maybe they are out at a bar celebrating right now, who knows. We're going to get to know each other better and set up some rules/chores/schedules maybe? I dunno. It's kinda nice having the apartment to me and the kitty though.
Biding my time till my head explodes
I have done absolutely nothing today. Ugh. I feel so lazy and pointless. I got the majority of everything moved to my new apartment on Wednesday and yesterday I went and got my new work schedule at the Target I got transferred to. Met my new boss, he seems cool I guess. I'm supposed to be cross trained in the pizza hut area sometime and Sunday mornings are going to hurt when I'm scheduled to work because at their store they (the Starbucks baristas) have to do Ad setup, at like 5:30 or some god awful time.
Found a grocery store finally too. Wednesday I went to a Family Fare which is close by but they aren't open 24 hours, which I shop for groceries at weird times I don't know why. So I only got some essentials and then found a Meijer on the other side of I-96 by my new work which is still like 15+ mins away from my apartment but it's where the other girls go.
The roommates are fine. They are fascinated by my cat. It's funny. They are not NOT cat people but they aren't cat people either. Which probably doesn't make any sense at all. Ashley, the 23 yr old youth director at my church back in Grand Haven is a cat person. Her cat walks in the room and both of us immediately stop our conversation, fall to the floor in front of Bunny and play/poke/prod/pet her. Laura, the other girl in our bible study/gossip/rant/socialize group is not a cat person. Laura looks at us funny when we do this and thinks we're weird when we describe our cats personality being off when their not feeling good.
My new roommates are Kristen and Kesha and Kristen is a dog person. Says she doesn't like cats who don't play/interact and hide which is like 75% of cats. Kesha might be a cat person who's never had a cat before, I'm not sure, it's funny. But Lexis has been very sociable and talkative with them which I was not sure was going to be the case. She hid under the bed for a bit on the first day but by the end of the day she was out and chatting with the new roommates! Kinda amazing.
There only a few small things I don't like so much about my new living situation. One the kitty litter is in my room meaning I cannot close my door when I go to sleep. In the mornings they are up and moving in the kitchen and with my door even open just a crack I can see directly into the kitchen & hallway. Making me feel like they are watching/judging me for sleeping in as well as me feeling like I'm spying on them. Two, the freaking toilet seat moves all over the toilet when you adjust you butt on it. I'm the only one who has to deal with it b/c the half bathroom is mine and mine alone, the other girls share the full bath. Also part of two the lightswitch for the bathroom turns on the fan automatically, so when I use the toilet at 3am they know cuz the fan turns on.
Whatever, these things will be fine after time goes on and I just get used to them.
umm, yeah, ok, I wandered away to facebook for a bit. If ya'll want me to I can take some photos of the place!
Found a grocery store finally too. Wednesday I went to a Family Fare which is close by but they aren't open 24 hours, which I shop for groceries at weird times I don't know why. So I only got some essentials and then found a Meijer on the other side of I-96 by my new work which is still like 15+ mins away from my apartment but it's where the other girls go.
The roommates are fine. They are fascinated by my cat. It's funny. They are not NOT cat people but they aren't cat people either. Which probably doesn't make any sense at all. Ashley, the 23 yr old youth director at my church back in Grand Haven is a cat person. Her cat walks in the room and both of us immediately stop our conversation, fall to the floor in front of Bunny and play/poke/prod/pet her. Laura, the other girl in our bible study/gossip/rant/socialize group is not a cat person. Laura looks at us funny when we do this and thinks we're weird when we describe our cats personality being off when their not feeling good.
My new roommates are Kristen and Kesha and Kristen is a dog person. Says she doesn't like cats who don't play/interact and hide which is like 75% of cats. Kesha might be a cat person who's never had a cat before, I'm not sure, it's funny. But Lexis has been very sociable and talkative with them which I was not sure was going to be the case. She hid under the bed for a bit on the first day but by the end of the day she was out and chatting with the new roommates! Kinda amazing.
There only a few small things I don't like so much about my new living situation. One the kitty litter is in my room meaning I cannot close my door when I go to sleep. In the mornings they are up and moving in the kitchen and with my door even open just a crack I can see directly into the kitchen & hallway. Making me feel like they are watching/judging me for sleeping in as well as me feeling like I'm spying on them. Two, the freaking toilet seat moves all over the toilet when you adjust you butt on it. I'm the only one who has to deal with it b/c the half bathroom is mine and mine alone, the other girls share the full bath. Also part of two the lightswitch for the bathroom turns on the fan automatically, so when I use the toilet at 3am they know cuz the fan turns on.
Whatever, these things will be fine after time goes on and I just get used to them.
umm, yeah, ok, I wandered away to facebook for a bit. If ya'll want me to I can take some photos of the place!
Maybe not fitting in to others preconceived notions is what I'm supposed to do.
Sometimes it feels like I'm never going to find the spot that I fit in with people here.
A girl I find pretty cool, who is a new hire where I work, implied that I am very conservative. This baffles me. Now she doesn't know me very well, at all really, and she herself seems to me to be very liberal because she has a full sleeve tattoo and a nose piercing and... I don't know, just the way she talks about things sometimes. But when I was telling her of my roommate/apartment hunting woes she said something along the lines of having me room with her sister, that she thinks we'd get along well because her sister is very studious, conservative and hey she loves cats too!
I'm probably over psychoanalyzing this one sentence. But it's just bugging me. And of course, being me and not wanting to rock the boat on anything whatsoever, I just nod my head when she asks me if she should see if her sister is in need of a roommate. Well I do want a roommate & want to move out of my parents house fairly soon. My brother is going to be moving back in with mom and dad too, come the end of July and it's going to be quite the full house here. And I can totally live with someone who is conservative for a year but what if I want to have my gay and lesbian friends over?
I'm afraid that if I do live with someone very conservative I'd get by but they'd end up pissing me off one way or another and I'd be suffering my pissed off-ness in silence because I don't seem to speak up for myself very well.
So I am going to edit the things I'd like to have in a roommate(s): Must like cats and definitely not be allergic to them & must be open minded? Must be ok with Teh Gay Ppls? Must not force me to adhere to their political and religious beliefs? Must not mind, if given advance notice of course, boys & lesbian women staying over on the couch or otherwise? :/ Something along those lines perhaps.
A girl I find pretty cool, who is a new hire where I work, implied that I am very conservative. This baffles me. Now she doesn't know me very well, at all really, and she herself seems to me to be very liberal because she has a full sleeve tattoo and a nose piercing and... I don't know, just the way she talks about things sometimes. But when I was telling her of my roommate/apartment hunting woes she said something along the lines of having me room with her sister, that she thinks we'd get along well because her sister is very studious, conservative and hey she loves cats too!
I'm probably over psychoanalyzing this one sentence. But it's just bugging me. And of course, being me and not wanting to rock the boat on anything whatsoever, I just nod my head when she asks me if she should see if her sister is in need of a roommate. Well I do want a roommate & want to move out of my parents house fairly soon. My brother is going to be moving back in with mom and dad too, come the end of July and it's going to be quite the full house here. And I can totally live with someone who is conservative for a year but what if I want to have my gay and lesbian friends over?
I'm afraid that if I do live with someone very conservative I'd get by but they'd end up pissing me off one way or another and I'd be suffering my pissed off-ness in silence because I don't seem to speak up for myself very well.
So I am going to edit the things I'd like to have in a roommate(s): Must like cats and definitely not be allergic to them & must be open minded? Must be ok with Teh Gay Ppls? Must not force me to adhere to their political and religious beliefs? Must not mind, if given advance notice of course, boys & lesbian women staying over on the couch or otherwise? :/ Something along those lines perhaps.
a V.A.S.T day
We have Ants. They are not cute when coming for your food in hordes. Apparently last year they did not start to swarm the dishwasher/sink area until July and stayed pretty localized in the dishwasher. All this week they have staked their claim to the dishwasher, the sink, the entire counter top around the sink, the toaster, and now the bread bin. We even found some in the living room apparently eating at the stain where the cat threw it's food/hairball up on the floor. It's so frustrating. They're sending out scouting parties to see if the side table in the living room can be taken as theirs or if the cabinet where the dishes are stored would be another good territory to claim. Ugh. The battle for the house begins.
My... lets call her the food area supervisor is off until the middle of the week and we have a launch of the new summer promotion tomorrow. She has tasked me with putting up all the signs and menu boards so that it is in accordance with the Starbucks "Siren's Eye" set up. Glad she trusts me enough to do this. I actually kind of like putting all the new display cases together and making everything look pretty and organized. I also put the order away today and found something we've been needing and sort of-not really-looking very thoroughly for. I showed the front end supervisor and we both got excited. Excited over cup holders. My life is boring.
Also this week we are finally getting our reviews and pay raises accordingly. What is not a good sign is that the girl who is overall considered the best worker at the pizza hut area: Efficient, Thorough, Timely, Goes Above and Beyond, Et Cetera... well she got one of the lower pay raises. Don't ask me why they were comparing pay raises. We aren't supposed to talk about how much we get paid to each other. Mostly because it's dependent on how we do and not on how long we've been with Target.
The only thing she got docked points on was her attendance actually. And the only attendance that she has missed was because she came down with bronchitis and the doctor said she couldn't work or be around healthy people for four days. Doctor's note doesn't mean shit to Target. Target will pay for you to get a flu shot but god forbid you get hit by a car and have to call in because you're in the hospital. At least my wisdom teeth surgery was planned well in advance, I should be fine on that front anyway. *worries about the rest*
Don't think I'm going to take a summer class. Missed the tuition deadline on Friday. Reason being they still have me listed as "out of state" and fuck it if I am going to pay 4 thousand for two summer classes. It's my fault really that I am still listed as out of state. I need to finish filling out the form for residency and get it notarized at the bank before I can send it in. (Note to self: finish that this week!) So I guess instead of easing my way back in with a summer class I am going to jump back in to academia head first, nose to the grindstone, both feet on the ground running come this fall.
Now if I can just not crash and burn again that'd be awesome. Focus & prioritize, that's what I need to do.
My... lets call her the food area supervisor is off until the middle of the week and we have a launch of the new summer promotion tomorrow. She has tasked me with putting up all the signs and menu boards so that it is in accordance with the Starbucks "Siren's Eye" set up. Glad she trusts me enough to do this. I actually kind of like putting all the new display cases together and making everything look pretty and organized. I also put the order away today and found something we've been needing and sort of-not really-looking very thoroughly for. I showed the front end supervisor and we both got excited. Excited over cup holders. My life is boring.
Also this week we are finally getting our reviews and pay raises accordingly. What is not a good sign is that the girl who is overall considered the best worker at the pizza hut area: Efficient, Thorough, Timely, Goes Above and Beyond, Et Cetera... well she got one of the lower pay raises. Don't ask me why they were comparing pay raises. We aren't supposed to talk about how much we get paid to each other. Mostly because it's dependent on how we do and not on how long we've been with Target.
The only thing she got docked points on was her attendance actually. And the only attendance that she has missed was because she came down with bronchitis and the doctor said she couldn't work or be around healthy people for four days. Doctor's note doesn't mean shit to Target. Target will pay for you to get a flu shot but god forbid you get hit by a car and have to call in because you're in the hospital. At least my wisdom teeth surgery was planned well in advance, I should be fine on that front anyway. *worries about the rest*
Don't think I'm going to take a summer class. Missed the tuition deadline on Friday. Reason being they still have me listed as "out of state" and fuck it if I am going to pay 4 thousand for two summer classes. It's my fault really that I am still listed as out of state. I need to finish filling out the form for residency and get it notarized at the bank before I can send it in. (Note to self: finish that this week!) So I guess instead of easing my way back in with a summer class I am going to jump back in to academia head first, nose to the grindstone, both feet on the ground running come this fall.
Now if I can just not crash and burn again that'd be awesome. Focus & prioritize, that's what I need to do.